what is it about bad science in movies? my roomie and i watched The Core which was on TV a few weeks ago and i was floored at how bad the science in it was. science and math are exact studies with little room for flexibility. while this means that there is always a rule, a method, or an answer, it also means that it can be fairly easy to take apart. now, i LOVE science, as some of you may know, but i'm an english gal so that means i'm more prone to abstract thinking. so why is it that when i go into a movie theater or pop on a DVD, i am suddenly super science girl? this phenomenon is not just localized to your truly. it seems everyone is a scientist. you look at any movie or TV show that has "science" in it (Volcano, the CSIs, ER, 24, the Spidermans, the Speeds, the Omens, etc) and they make it so easy to poke holes in it. i find it slightly disturbing that movies like The Mummy is more acurately reseached than the previously mentioned stuff. comments posted on IMDB are filled with them.
ok, ok, ok, ok. i know, i must employ a suspension of disbelief (i say "S.O.D. it") but it's very difficult. to suspend disbelief, you must first make room for the possiblility, right? yes, it's called disbelief but i think there has to be, at least the slightest inkling, that such a thing could be real. i mean even the most ridiculous things have some basis in reality. it allows the audience to attach something familiar with something that is not but in doing so, allows us to grab on to that which is fantastic and go with it. it's kinda like the difference with a good liar and a bad one. a true sociopath makes his lie so believable that he convinces himself.
so my request/rant is this: make the science so utterly confusing that we, the plebs of the world, can't understand it at all. cuz that would be more convincing than the crap that you've put out thus far.
4.30.2007
4.21.2007
long time no write and SOOOO many changes!
i realize yet again that my new years resolution has not been met, but hey, what else is new? allow me to update you . . .
1. i quit my job! the company was making me absolutely mental and i couldn't deal with working there anymore so my last day was March 28th and i have been gainfully unemployed since. it feels great not to have to go there everyday but i still feel fairly scared, excited, and uncertain of what lies ahead. my current plan is to start my own english school, one in which i can teach the more practical side of the language in both private lessons as well as in workshops such as book clubs and lessons cerntered around themes like cooking, traveling, shopping, etc. i might be moving in the next couple of months so i don't encroach on the roommates' space but for now i am happy to take it easy for the rest of the month. the fact that i feel so good everyday is a sign that i've made the right choice.
2. Cor has left Japan. he and i both quit on the same day and had been trapesing around the city for a couple of weeks. we took a short trip to nagasaki (more on that later) but all in all, we were able to enjoy Tokyo in the spring (one of the best seasons here!). he flew out of Narita on the 17th so the fun has stagnated a bit since then but he's somewhere on a beach in thailand for a month and then heading home for a couple of months before starting biznass school in Hong Kong. i look forward to visiting both him and the big h there. although he's gone, his bed and desk now occupy my room and my back is happy to finally be back on a nice mattress after having spent 3 and a half years on the floor. yippee!
Such a sweetie, he also left me with an early birthday present. Cor is great but his gift choosing skills need a bit of tuning. he got me a really nice, really expensive, and really big bread maker which is extraordinarily nice (especially since it can bake cakes -- yum!) but we have no space in our tiny ass apartment for it. suz and i have assessed our space and we just don't have the room. it's a wonderful gift but it's just not the time right now to be filling our apartment (a temporary domicile -- i hope!) with furnishings and appliances that we won't use on a daily basis. Sidebar: if you're reading this Cor, i love the sentiment babe, but i had to take it back.
Now this wouldn't be a proper blog entry without a rant, so here it goes. the big ass breadmaker needed to get returned to Bic camera (a huge electronics store in ikebukuro). i lugged that big ass box all the way down there and i was armed with the reciept that, thankfully, Cor left me. the guy on the first floor tells me to take it to the second floor. ok. the guy on the second floor tells me to take it to the fifth floor. ok. on the fourth floor going up, a nice young staff man offers to take it up to the next floor for me. all the peeps on the fifth floor converge on me and my breadmaker (appliances are not such popular buys at the moment). i tell them the story: my boyfriend bought me this lovely gift but i have no space for it so i have to return it. they get the floor manager over and he asks me for the reciept. i give it to him and then he asks me if we can call Cor. I say, "what for?" and he says he has to confirm that it's ok with him if i return the breadmaker. hun?? i ask them if he paid by credit card. Nope. do you need his bic card, cuz i got it at home? Nope. then why the fuck do you need to call him? because you weren't the one who purchased it. WHAT?! so i tell him that Cor won't be reachable by phone for a month. he says that's ok and he'll WAIT. they generously let me leave the breadmaker there rather than me lugging it home and they give me a reciept and tell me to come back when Cor is reachable again. i left shaking my head and not understanding at all what just happened. perhaps i'll go back on my birthday and so i can pick out a different gift . . . .
Back track to Nagasaki!
For his final domestic trip within his temporary home country of japan, Cor decides he wantas to go to Nagasaki so we take a little 3 day trip there. it was a beautiful city; clear skies and clean water, but the food situation wasn't good. it was all chinese food. Champon (the local chinese food favorite dish) is good but it's all cabbage, which Cor hates, so i had to watch him make his "eeeewwww pickle face" for 45 minutes. we went up the ropeway of Mt. Inasa and got a great view of the sunset and the night view. see?
so the first day was quite good (besides the food situation). the second day was where we had the problems. Now, Cor is a well studied history buff and i am not. he has read and carries lots of books and maps and i do not. he has the ability to completely detach emotion from fact and i do not. Enter day two: the atomic bombing tour day. we started at the peace park which was nice and then went to the museum which was not so nice. i froze within the first 5 minutes of entering, just glued to the first TV monitor showing photos of the blast and the complete devastation that followed. the museum had loads of artifacts, either found or donated by the families of the victims. there were stories, photos of the burns and scars on the victims, clothes with blood stains on them, charred bento boxes of kids with carbonized rice inside, the works. i don't know how many times i lost it in there. i was so emotionally unprepared for the whole experience that i was emotionally and mentally drained afterwards. i think that's why i dislike history so much; it dwells on the mistakes of the past. i know the overall message of the museum is that nuclear weapons are bad but i don't think i need a 3 hour emotional beating to come to that conclusion. afterwards, we went to the hypocenter where the bomb was actually dropped and then saw the one-legged Tori (the shrine gateway). we had a very somber lunch (my fault as i was the bigggest wet blanket all day after that) and then went in for more depressing times at the site of the 26 Christian martyrs. I don't think ic an ever go to Hiroshima after this trip! we did go to Dejima which was like an upscale dutch relocation camp which was not depressing but i was wrecked from before so it was tough. nagasaki has loads to see but not a lot to do and it was a glaring exposure of one of the many differences between me and Cor. it was certainly the most educational vacation i'd ever had.
so after nagasaki, we come home (quite happily), and spend the last week with friends and doing a mini food tour of all the things Cor wanted to eat before he left. we also cooked at home doing a taco nite with some japanese friend and chicken parm for his last dinner. the shinagawa prince hotel and the penis restaurant will have to wait for his next visit!
anyways, i know i keep saying i will be better about this blog, and i will try but don't bet the farm. life somehow has a way of catching up with all of us, doesn't it? until next time . . .
1. i quit my job! the company was making me absolutely mental and i couldn't deal with working there anymore so my last day was March 28th and i have been gainfully unemployed since. it feels great not to have to go there everyday but i still feel fairly scared, excited, and uncertain of what lies ahead. my current plan is to start my own english school, one in which i can teach the more practical side of the language in both private lessons as well as in workshops such as book clubs and lessons cerntered around themes like cooking, traveling, shopping, etc. i might be moving in the next couple of months so i don't encroach on the roommates' space but for now i am happy to take it easy for the rest of the month. the fact that i feel so good everyday is a sign that i've made the right choice.
2. Cor has left Japan. he and i both quit on the same day and had been trapesing around the city for a couple of weeks. we took a short trip to nagasaki (more on that later) but all in all, we were able to enjoy Tokyo in the spring (one of the best seasons here!). he flew out of Narita on the 17th so the fun has stagnated a bit since then but he's somewhere on a beach in thailand for a month and then heading home for a couple of months before starting biznass school in Hong Kong. i look forward to visiting both him and the big h there. although he's gone, his bed and desk now occupy my room and my back is happy to finally be back on a nice mattress after having spent 3 and a half years on the floor. yippee!
Such a sweetie, he also left me with an early birthday present. Cor is great but his gift choosing skills need a bit of tuning. he got me a really nice, really expensive, and really big bread maker which is extraordinarily nice (especially since it can bake cakes -- yum!) but we have no space in our tiny ass apartment for it. suz and i have assessed our space and we just don't have the room. it's a wonderful gift but it's just not the time right now to be filling our apartment (a temporary domicile -- i hope!) with furnishings and appliances that we won't use on a daily basis. Sidebar: if you're reading this Cor, i love the sentiment babe, but i had to take it back.
Now this wouldn't be a proper blog entry without a rant, so here it goes. the big ass breadmaker needed to get returned to Bic camera (a huge electronics store in ikebukuro). i lugged that big ass box all the way down there and i was armed with the reciept that, thankfully, Cor left me. the guy on the first floor tells me to take it to the second floor. ok. the guy on the second floor tells me to take it to the fifth floor. ok. on the fourth floor going up, a nice young staff man offers to take it up to the next floor for me. all the peeps on the fifth floor converge on me and my breadmaker (appliances are not such popular buys at the moment). i tell them the story: my boyfriend bought me this lovely gift but i have no space for it so i have to return it. they get the floor manager over and he asks me for the reciept. i give it to him and then he asks me if we can call Cor. I say, "what for?" and he says he has to confirm that it's ok with him if i return the breadmaker. hun?? i ask them if he paid by credit card. Nope. do you need his bic card, cuz i got it at home? Nope. then why the fuck do you need to call him? because you weren't the one who purchased it. WHAT?! so i tell him that Cor won't be reachable by phone for a month. he says that's ok and he'll WAIT. they generously let me leave the breadmaker there rather than me lugging it home and they give me a reciept and tell me to come back when Cor is reachable again. i left shaking my head and not understanding at all what just happened. perhaps i'll go back on my birthday and so i can pick out a different gift . . . .
Back track to Nagasaki!
For his final domestic trip within his temporary home country of japan, Cor decides he wantas to go to Nagasaki so we take a little 3 day trip there. it was a beautiful city; clear skies and clean water, but the food situation wasn't good. it was all chinese food. Champon (the local chinese food favorite dish) is good but it's all cabbage, which Cor hates, so i had to watch him make his "eeeewwww pickle face" for 45 minutes. we went up the ropeway of Mt. Inasa and got a great view of the sunset and the night view. see?
so the first day was quite good (besides the food situation). the second day was where we had the problems. Now, Cor is a well studied history buff and i am not. he has read and carries lots of books and maps and i do not. he has the ability to completely detach emotion from fact and i do not. Enter day two: the atomic bombing tour day. we started at the peace park which was nice and then went to the museum which was not so nice. i froze within the first 5 minutes of entering, just glued to the first TV monitor showing photos of the blast and the complete devastation that followed. the museum had loads of artifacts, either found or donated by the families of the victims. there were stories, photos of the burns and scars on the victims, clothes with blood stains on them, charred bento boxes of kids with carbonized rice inside, the works. i don't know how many times i lost it in there. i was so emotionally unprepared for the whole experience that i was emotionally and mentally drained afterwards. i think that's why i dislike history so much; it dwells on the mistakes of the past. i know the overall message of the museum is that nuclear weapons are bad but i don't think i need a 3 hour emotional beating to come to that conclusion. afterwards, we went to the hypocenter where the bomb was actually dropped and then saw the one-legged Tori (the shrine gateway). we had a very somber lunch (my fault as i was the bigggest wet blanket all day after that) and then went in for more depressing times at the site of the 26 Christian martyrs. I don't think ic an ever go to Hiroshima after this trip! we did go to Dejima which was like an upscale dutch relocation camp which was not depressing but i was wrecked from before so it was tough. nagasaki has loads to see but not a lot to do and it was a glaring exposure of one of the many differences between me and Cor. it was certainly the most educational vacation i'd ever had.so after nagasaki, we come home (quite happily), and spend the last week with friends and doing a mini food tour of all the things Cor wanted to eat before he left. we also cooked at home doing a taco nite with some japanese friend and chicken parm for his last dinner. the shinagawa prince hotel and the penis restaurant will have to wait for his next visit!
anyways, i know i keep saying i will be better about this blog, and i will try but don't bet the farm. life somehow has a way of catching up with all of us, doesn't it? until next time . . .
1.29.2007
long time no blog
dear readers,
ah yes, another new years resolution down the crapper. i realize it has been very long since i last updated my blog. yes, i've been lazy but i've also just not had enough time. and yet, not so much has changed. i suppose the major change is that leilani is now back in washington DC and sue has moved in.
UPDATE
Halloween came and went. we had our annual halloween gumbo party. we had some drag queen action and a lot of booze.
Thanksgiving came and went. Jules made us a reservation for some turkey dinner and a big group of us went out and had eki beers afterwards. very festive.
christmas came and went. no, actually it was good. my mom came to japan for a bit and i went back to America to spend time with the family. Dad and i made the trek up to Los Angeles to Riyoko's place several times in those couple weeks. she cooked heaps! really good deep fried prime rib roast and spinach bacon mashed potatoes and salad and cake and stuff. got to play with their new puppy Burn who is a cutie although a bit of a rascal. we watched Borat which was super funny (probably not your average family film but this is the Tanaka-Myler family and we are anything but ordinary). i met up with my white parents (the mayos) and my best friend from uni, Rashmi. she's getting hitched this summer and i was dying to meet her boy cuz they met and got engaged very quickly. wasn't sure what to expect but he turned out to be a super cool guy and i am very glad i got to meet him. andi was thrown by how happy and calm she was. must be a good match. i spent some time with my buddy rose but mostly i spent time cleaning my damn room trying to get rid of stuff. i took 5 massive bags of old clothes down to the donation place and threw out a bunch of stuff i didn't need anymore. man, i had a lot of crap! so i think this year i want to spot accumulating stuff. no more hoarding, no more saving up for a rainy day, no more momentos of sentimental value. just photos! (guess i gotta go get me a new camera since mine is a POS.)
New Years came and went. came back to tokyo in time for new years. ads was supposed to find us a bangin' party to go to but he didn't (surprise surprise) so i ended up staying at home and cleaning my apartment which was a terrible mess. i cleaned out my pantry at home, doing a little taste test here and there trying to see what eas still good and what had gone off. turns out that some of it had gone off cuz i ended up with a horrifying stomachache which left me moaning on the floor watching bad Japanese TV (happy fucking new years). the next day i saw the family and we went to a shrine and prayed. it was nice to spend time with my mom and grandpa and uncle. we saw grandma on new years eve and i took a picture of the whole ichioka family for a change. it was nice. me and ads went to see Little Miss Sunshine (awesome movie) and show each other our new sneakers.
about mid-month, the peeps started coming back. Sue came back from spending the holidays with the train in DC, then Jules and Alisa came back from India, and then Cor came back. i was glad to see everyone as it was starting to get a bit boring. everyone seems to have come back unscathed. Cor returned 6 kilos lighter and about 8 shades darker (lucky bastard).
yesterday, i amazingly had a Sunday off (the first in a very LONG time). Cor and i didnt get up until noon then we went to have brunch in Harajuku at Fujimamas. Afterwards, we took a walk up to Meiji shrine and the adjoining Yoyogi park. although we didn't do much we (i should say I) were completely exhausted. i crashed out for a bit then cor wanted chicken parm for dinner so we went to the market and cooked. i nice day but very tired. i suppose me being a bit sick didn't help matters much either.
am nursing myself for the next couple of days since i have a very heavy week ahead of me. i have my cousin's wedding (round 2) on the 3rd but i'm going to kyoto on the afternoon of the 1st so i can get there early and help out. but i gotta catch the sinkansen back to tokyo the night of the 3rd because on the morning of the 4th, we are heading to Saporro for the snow festival. we get back to Tokyo the night of the 6th. my girl Vee is in tokyo from the first til the 8th so i gotta get my shift covered on the 7th so i can spend a bit of time with her. i know, i know, i'm gonna wear myself out.
will post pix and stories of the adventures soon. promise!
ah yes, another new years resolution down the crapper. i realize it has been very long since i last updated my blog. yes, i've been lazy but i've also just not had enough time. and yet, not so much has changed. i suppose the major change is that leilani is now back in washington DC and sue has moved in.
UPDATE
Halloween came and went. we had our annual halloween gumbo party. we had some drag queen action and a lot of booze.
Thanksgiving came and went. Jules made us a reservation for some turkey dinner and a big group of us went out and had eki beers afterwards. very festive.
christmas came and went. no, actually it was good. my mom came to japan for a bit and i went back to America to spend time with the family. Dad and i made the trek up to Los Angeles to Riyoko's place several times in those couple weeks. she cooked heaps! really good deep fried prime rib roast and spinach bacon mashed potatoes and salad and cake and stuff. got to play with their new puppy Burn who is a cutie although a bit of a rascal. we watched Borat which was super funny (probably not your average family film but this is the Tanaka-Myler family and we are anything but ordinary). i met up with my white parents (the mayos) and my best friend from uni, Rashmi. she's getting hitched this summer and i was dying to meet her boy cuz they met and got engaged very quickly. wasn't sure what to expect but he turned out to be a super cool guy and i am very glad i got to meet him. andi was thrown by how happy and calm she was. must be a good match. i spent some time with my buddy rose but mostly i spent time cleaning my damn room trying to get rid of stuff. i took 5 massive bags of old clothes down to the donation place and threw out a bunch of stuff i didn't need anymore. man, i had a lot of crap! so i think this year i want to spot accumulating stuff. no more hoarding, no more saving up for a rainy day, no more momentos of sentimental value. just photos! (guess i gotta go get me a new camera since mine is a POS.)
New Years came and went. came back to tokyo in time for new years. ads was supposed to find us a bangin' party to go to but he didn't (surprise surprise) so i ended up staying at home and cleaning my apartment which was a terrible mess. i cleaned out my pantry at home, doing a little taste test here and there trying to see what eas still good and what had gone off. turns out that some of it had gone off cuz i ended up with a horrifying stomachache which left me moaning on the floor watching bad Japanese TV (happy fucking new years). the next day i saw the family and we went to a shrine and prayed. it was nice to spend time with my mom and grandpa and uncle. we saw grandma on new years eve and i took a picture of the whole ichioka family for a change. it was nice. me and ads went to see Little Miss Sunshine (awesome movie) and show each other our new sneakers.
about mid-month, the peeps started coming back. Sue came back from spending the holidays with the train in DC, then Jules and Alisa came back from India, and then Cor came back. i was glad to see everyone as it was starting to get a bit boring. everyone seems to have come back unscathed. Cor returned 6 kilos lighter and about 8 shades darker (lucky bastard).
yesterday, i amazingly had a Sunday off (the first in a very LONG time). Cor and i didnt get up until noon then we went to have brunch in Harajuku at Fujimamas. Afterwards, we took a walk up to Meiji shrine and the adjoining Yoyogi park. although we didn't do much we (i should say I) were completely exhausted. i crashed out for a bit then cor wanted chicken parm for dinner so we went to the market and cooked. i nice day but very tired. i suppose me being a bit sick didn't help matters much either.
am nursing myself for the next couple of days since i have a very heavy week ahead of me. i have my cousin's wedding (round 2) on the 3rd but i'm going to kyoto on the afternoon of the 1st so i can get there early and help out. but i gotta catch the sinkansen back to tokyo the night of the 3rd because on the morning of the 4th, we are heading to Saporro for the snow festival. we get back to Tokyo the night of the 6th. my girl Vee is in tokyo from the first til the 8th so i gotta get my shift covered on the 7th so i can spend a bit of time with her. i know, i know, i'm gonna wear myself out.
will post pix and stories of the adventures soon. promise!
10.12.2006
A Weekend Away and a Funeral
So i went away for the weekend in September with the not-boyfriend. it was our first overnite trip together. we went to Izu which is on a penninsula south of Tokyo. it was one of the last warmish weekends to swim in the ocean and lay on the beach, which is just what we did for the first day. the second day was spent at the beach, the aquarium, and on Mt. Nesugata after going up the ropeway. from the top of the mountain, we got a very cool view of the harbor where Admiral Perry first brought his black flagged ships to Japan. the trip was fun and slightly educational and not at all too romantic (probably because i sorta pissed him off on the first night -- ooops), which was great for me.
I came home and almost immediately caught a cold. i was snot-filled and gross for almost two weeks straight. then the first shoe fell.
My cousin in Kyoto passed away at the end of September. He was playing golf and had a heart attack. He was 46. So I covered my shift for one day and went to Kyoto for the funeral. My aunt was a complete mess. Surprisingly, the widow and his daughter didn’t seem too broken up about it. They are a weird family so I chalked it up to that but it was VERY weird. (i mean, the little girl pats me on the arm on the way to the service in the morning and says to me
"don't worry, it's going to be OK." so i turn to her and say, "that's MY line!" hello?!!!) The funeral lasted ALL DAY. The service was long; lots of incense burning, praying, viewed the body a few times and then loaded him into the hearse. Then the family and closest friends went to the crematorium. More incense burning and praying. Then we watched them roll the coffin (which was incidentally made of really nice completely unfinished wood) with him in it and all into the furnace. Then we waited for 2 hours while the body burned and cooled. Then we went back into a special room in the crematorium where they brought the body back. They burned him until he was ash and his bones were all brittle. My aunt lost it when she saw him like that. Then we all took turns placing his bones in the urn. We started feet first and it finished with his skull. I know it’s morbid but I’ve never beared witness to such ceremony and science so I thought it was kinda interesting. I got the last shinkansen home that night after all the hoopla, completely exhausted.
it was raining in Kyoto when i went for the funeral so the cold i was getting over came back at me full force. i was on my ass agin with a big box of tissues. then the other shoe dropped.
My grandpa had been putting off coming over for dinner for a couple of days so i called him to reconfirm and he tells he he has chest pains and wants to go to the doctor. so i immediately rush to his house, help him have a light supper, and we went to the closest hospital's ER. the attending physician says that they don't have a cardiologist on that night so we could either go to a bigger hospital or come back in the morning. Grandpa says he's OK for the night so we decide to go back in the morning. The next day, my uncle comes down and we take him to his GP (who is a complete fucking retarded old man who wouldn't know his dick from his stethescope) then back to the hospital we went to the night before. i had to go to work but i get a call a couple hours later saying my grandad had been admitted to a special senior citizen's hospital in Oyama because his pericardium and lungs are filling with fluid which is why his chest hurts. Jesus. and so it has been since the first week of October that i have been going to the hospital almost every night to see him and make sure he's ok. he was in fairly serious condition for a bit (got moved to CCU) but seems to be getting better VERY SLOWLY. we'll have to wait and see.
with all the crap that has been going on this year, i decided to go home for the holidays. my head hurts permanently and i am getting sould sick. i need some turkey dinner, quality time with the family, and a break from work. all i gotta say is next year better not be this shitty.
I came home and almost immediately caught a cold. i was snot-filled and gross for almost two weeks straight. then the first shoe fell.
My cousin in Kyoto passed away at the end of September. He was playing golf and had a heart attack. He was 46. So I covered my shift for one day and went to Kyoto for the funeral. My aunt was a complete mess. Surprisingly, the widow and his daughter didn’t seem too broken up about it. They are a weird family so I chalked it up to that but it was VERY weird. (i mean, the little girl pats me on the arm on the way to the service in the morning and says to me
"don't worry, it's going to be OK." so i turn to her and say, "that's MY line!" hello?!!!) The funeral lasted ALL DAY. The service was long; lots of incense burning, praying, viewed the body a few times and then loaded him into the hearse. Then the family and closest friends went to the crematorium. More incense burning and praying. Then we watched them roll the coffin (which was incidentally made of really nice completely unfinished wood) with him in it and all into the furnace. Then we waited for 2 hours while the body burned and cooled. Then we went back into a special room in the crematorium where they brought the body back. They burned him until he was ash and his bones were all brittle. My aunt lost it when she saw him like that. Then we all took turns placing his bones in the urn. We started feet first and it finished with his skull. I know it’s morbid but I’ve never beared witness to such ceremony and science so I thought it was kinda interesting. I got the last shinkansen home that night after all the hoopla, completely exhausted.
it was raining in Kyoto when i went for the funeral so the cold i was getting over came back at me full force. i was on my ass agin with a big box of tissues. then the other shoe dropped.
My grandpa had been putting off coming over for dinner for a couple of days so i called him to reconfirm and he tells he he has chest pains and wants to go to the doctor. so i immediately rush to his house, help him have a light supper, and we went to the closest hospital's ER. the attending physician says that they don't have a cardiologist on that night so we could either go to a bigger hospital or come back in the morning. Grandpa says he's OK for the night so we decide to go back in the morning. The next day, my uncle comes down and we take him to his GP (who is a complete fucking retarded old man who wouldn't know his dick from his stethescope) then back to the hospital we went to the night before. i had to go to work but i get a call a couple hours later saying my grandad had been admitted to a special senior citizen's hospital in Oyama because his pericardium and lungs are filling with fluid which is why his chest hurts. Jesus. and so it has been since the first week of October that i have been going to the hospital almost every night to see him and make sure he's ok. he was in fairly serious condition for a bit (got moved to CCU) but seems to be getting better VERY SLOWLY. we'll have to wait and see.
with all the crap that has been going on this year, i decided to go home for the holidays. my head hurts permanently and i am getting sould sick. i need some turkey dinner, quality time with the family, and a break from work. all i gotta say is next year better not be this shitty.
7.19.2006
Scary Stuff
so i alluded to something that was potentially bad news a few entries ago and now that the scare is over, i can now purge myself of it in a public forum (that hopefully no one reads).
around mid-may after the whole canyoning trip, i found a lump in my left boob. it was fairly sizable, it didn't hurt, but since aunt flo was visiting, i decided to wait it out and see if it went away. it didn't.
so i go to my GP and he sends me out to get a mammogram right away. now i worked at an ob/gyn for years and i know the whole procedure of getting a mammogram but it doesn't prepare you for how much those fuckers hurt. this massive vise clamps down on your boobs one at a timeand you have to hold your other boob away from it so it doesn't obstruct the view of the boob they are x-raying. this very nice technician was pulling and smashing my poor boobs against the machine and i think i said "fuck me this hurts!" about 800 times. i hope she didn't take offense. i go back to the docs a few days later and he tells me that the "mass" is about the size of an egg. since i had been doing breast cancer research online, i asked him very specific questions. he leveled with me and said that that possibility of cancer was definitely there and if it was cancer, it would be about a stage 3 cancer, fairly adanced. breast cancer in young people is often detected late because they don't look check for it regularly and it is often rather aggressive. i lose my composure that day, skip out on work entirely (which my boss was so cool about -- thanks Jay) and i went home and cried and planned my funeral. the doctor gave me my mammogram to take with me and suggested that i go see an oncologist while i was home in America.
that night i had dinner with the friends and i told them about it. they were all super supportive and helpful and i felt like i owed them an explaination since i had been dodging them for a couple of weeks. i swear i have the greatest people in my life. i don't think i could have gotten through this without them.
trying to score an appointment with an oncologist in america is impossible. i tried calling a couple places and my friend on the east coast did a bit of research on my behalf for doc in north carolina but most of them require bookings way in advance (like cancer waits for the doc to be available). they also don't want to see you if you don't have insurance even if you say you will pay them out of pocket and they don't want to start you on their program unless you're going to have the full treatment there. so i was shut down at every turn in the states which wasn't altogether surprising and i came home with my mammogram and no treatment.
my tokyo GP sent me to the university hospital in itabashi where i had my tumor removed last year. he told me he'd get me the best doctor in the city and boy, did he ever. my doc is apaprently the top rated boob man in tokyo. definitely at that hospital. dry, utterly sober, and quite pragmatic, Doctor Amano is what i always imagined a japanese doctor to be. he ordered some more tests (an echo, blood work, another mammogram, and an mri) and determined that i had granulomatous mastitis, not cancer. whew.
so i still go see him once every couple of weeks. he put me on some meds (a steriod that apparently gives me "euphoria" and makes me eat heaps ["which is why many people get fat taking this medicine"] and gives me a "moon face") so i take those once a day and hope the mass subsides. he says it will take a few months anyway.
i don't know what it is with me! i just can't seem to stay healthy! it's a sign . . . . .
around mid-may after the whole canyoning trip, i found a lump in my left boob. it was fairly sizable, it didn't hurt, but since aunt flo was visiting, i decided to wait it out and see if it went away. it didn't.
so i go to my GP and he sends me out to get a mammogram right away. now i worked at an ob/gyn for years and i know the whole procedure of getting a mammogram but it doesn't prepare you for how much those fuckers hurt. this massive vise clamps down on your boobs one at a timeand you have to hold your other boob away from it so it doesn't obstruct the view of the boob they are x-raying. this very nice technician was pulling and smashing my poor boobs against the machine and i think i said "fuck me this hurts!" about 800 times. i hope she didn't take offense. i go back to the docs a few days later and he tells me that the "mass" is about the size of an egg. since i had been doing breast cancer research online, i asked him very specific questions. he leveled with me and said that that possibility of cancer was definitely there and if it was cancer, it would be about a stage 3 cancer, fairly adanced. breast cancer in young people is often detected late because they don't look check for it regularly and it is often rather aggressive. i lose my composure that day, skip out on work entirely (which my boss was so cool about -- thanks Jay) and i went home and cried and planned my funeral. the doctor gave me my mammogram to take with me and suggested that i go see an oncologist while i was home in America.
that night i had dinner with the friends and i told them about it. they were all super supportive and helpful and i felt like i owed them an explaination since i had been dodging them for a couple of weeks. i swear i have the greatest people in my life. i don't think i could have gotten through this without them.
trying to score an appointment with an oncologist in america is impossible. i tried calling a couple places and my friend on the east coast did a bit of research on my behalf for doc in north carolina but most of them require bookings way in advance (like cancer waits for the doc to be available). they also don't want to see you if you don't have insurance even if you say you will pay them out of pocket and they don't want to start you on their program unless you're going to have the full treatment there. so i was shut down at every turn in the states which wasn't altogether surprising and i came home with my mammogram and no treatment.
my tokyo GP sent me to the university hospital in itabashi where i had my tumor removed last year. he told me he'd get me the best doctor in the city and boy, did he ever. my doc is apaprently the top rated boob man in tokyo. definitely at that hospital. dry, utterly sober, and quite pragmatic, Doctor Amano is what i always imagined a japanese doctor to be. he ordered some more tests (an echo, blood work, another mammogram, and an mri) and determined that i had granulomatous mastitis, not cancer. whew.
so i still go see him once every couple of weeks. he put me on some meds (a steriod that apparently gives me "euphoria" and makes me eat heaps ["which is why many people get fat taking this medicine"] and gives me a "moon face") so i take those once a day and hope the mass subsides. he says it will take a few months anyway.
i don't know what it is with me! i just can't seem to stay healthy! it's a sign . . . . .
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