KenTaco Hut and Lessons in Friendship

J and i were discussing fast food joints the other nite and he tells me that in Overland Park in Kansas they have a KenTaco Hut. i thought this was the name of a restaurant but it is more like a food court with a kentucky fried chicken, taco bell and a pizza hut together (apparently they are all owned by pepsi co). i laughed for 15 minutes straight til my belly hurt. J continues saying that its a "nice place; not like those nasty places in New York that have rats running around." more howls of laughter from me. This story was confirmed tonite when my friend D came over and he says that they have them in Philly as well. more laughter.

i feel like even silly discussions like this one sustain me. its fun to just hang out and talk about mindless stuff with friends (jules is my master of lists and ranks -- we always rank our favorite movie stars and movies and tv shows; J is the master of all things pop culture; i pose such mind rattling questions such as 'if hair and nails continue to grow after death, do the undead ever have to shave? did angel or spike ever shave?' Alisa chimes in with, "how about zombies?") and tonite over dinner, i felt connected with the people around me.

i know i always seem to be breaking my resolutions but there are 2 that i've kept: equal effort with friends and limiting the amount of bullshit in my life. the effort one is easy, i spend time with the people i like and if they don't expent the same curtosy to me, then i know we don't value each other on a reciprocal level and i let go. there's only so much disappointment you can take before you stop caring. i've already reached that level with some of my "friends."

the bullshit editing is a bit tougher. it can be hard to separate the crap from the good stuff but there are instances when it it a clear cut case. for instance, i recently had a phone mail chat with this girl that i don't care for. she and i aren't friends (the reasons are irrelevant now but lets just say if i smelled bacon and she said my ass was on fire, i still wouldn't believe her) but we have friends in common. she wanted to chat or make things right or whatever "for the sake of our friends" and she even went so far as to say she was extending the olive branch cuz she was being mature. excuse me, what? so by implication, she is saying that 1. i'm not mature and 2. that she's not interested in making things right with me for her sake or mine; she's just trying to solidify her friendship with her "friends." this leads me to believe that either 1. she feels like she's losing her footing with them or 2. they've expressed to her that the friction between us is creating a problem for them. i was prepared to accept both, though the latter worried me a bit. they certainly spend more time with her than they do with me but that's a question of preference, not loyalty. hey, maybe she's a real hoot to hang out with (though i seriously doubt it). however, if someone has an issue with me, i should hope that they would let me know about it, especially if they are my friends. so tonite i laid it out on the table for them. no beating around the bush, no bullshit. and they said that my hatred of this girl didn't pose a problem for them. and for that, i'm glad. i can only hope that what they told me was the truth, though i have no reason to doubt them.

i find it odd that although im almost hitting my third decade (and some of the people around me are well into their thirties), its still SOOOO much like high school. it's all rumors and gossip and throwing your weight around trying to be the most popular cheerleader or whatever. and maybe i'm old and maybe i'm boring but i'd much rather have lunch and go to a museum with a friend than go clubbing and drinking every night. i don't have it in me anymore. i did that in college and now i'm kinda done. i like going out once in a while but it's not a nightly thing and i'm OK with that. especially since so much of the bar/drinking scenes and the clubbing scenes are mostly bullshit anyways and i've been pretty good about avoiding that so far.

i guess just being yourself can be just as hard as becoming the person you want to be.