insomnia, the new biz, and a wedding to go to

i haven't slept right for 3 weeks. maybe more. i toss in my new bed for hours until i am completely exhausted and crash out. this usually happens at 3 or 4 in the morning. i watch some episodes of CSI, i read my books (Machiavelli's The Prince which is SOOOO GOOD and Uncle John bathroom reader *did you know Finland has 60,000 lakes?), and i toss and turn and toss and turn. tried sleeping tablets; they worked the first time, but the last few times that i've taken them, i just lay there drowsy for hours on end without actually sleeping. it's a living nightmare.

the good news is, the biznass seems to be ok. i was thinking of moving but real estate in tokyo is exorbitant and real estate people are not very fond of helping gaijins and since my current living situation is not bad at all, i've decided to stay for the moment. i'm making atout 80% of what i made at Nova and i'm only working a fraction of the hours i did there so this is actually a nice change. i feel my life slowing down alot, making time to smell the roses and actually enjoying the lessons i teach. perhaps the novelty will wear off at some point but right now, i'm not complaining at all.

Old habits die hard and i find that i am starting to revert back to some of my old single ways but it's difficult. i think if i was doing that whole, men-suck-and-i'm-through-with-all-of-them-and-i'd-like-to-cut-off-all-their-penises thing, i would be easier to re-embrace the single life but since that's not what happened, i'm at a bit of a loss. i think that's what i've always done in the past but it's not really an option this time. perhaps i should do what miranda did in Sex and the City and watch Jon Stweart and eat chocolate cake all the time. Actually that sounds REALLY good but for the fact that i have to squeeze myself into cute dresses in a couple of months.

Ah yes, the old friend's wedding routine. my beautiful and lovely friend rashmi is getting married to oneof the nicest dudes i've ever met and i couldn't be happier for them. i'm not happier for me who has to shell out almost a grand or more to go home for the wedding. on top of that, this is a for real indian wedding which means everyone will be looking gorgeous and events will be swanky. i've worn the same dress to different weddings and formal/semi-formal events for the past 6 years. it's cute, i like it, i used to think it was fairly flattering on my fairly dense paperweight like body but i think the time has come to suck it up and get something new. or 4 somethings new. there are 4 events to which i have been invited (the wedding invitation was more like a book) which means a different outfit for each one, yes? oh crap, there goes another grand.

i think i am also loathing the "isn't it about time you got married?" looks and questions. i think all of our mutual friends (me and the bride) have just gotten married or are engaged. this is going to be like the wedding in North Carolina but instead of the shrimp and oyster bar there will be a lentils and pakora bar. the southern drawl will be gone but the questions will remain the same. i hope there is no mention of my good birthing hips. i guess we will find out in a few months!