Yesterday was not a bad day in particular but I currently have a bad case of the spring time blues this year (perhaps due to my age – the old machine is falling apart). What is this affliction, you ask? It’s a near deadly combination of being broke (I just made my rent for the month in 10 fucking days which is pretty damn awesome for me), bored, and horny. During this malady, it’s not possible to go out because you will do something dangerous to your wallet or act like a complete slut (both bad options). And as I have social engagements later this week, it would be best to reign in the mad-dog tendencies til then. So what does a girl do in this rare situation? She goes to see the boys.

The boys live close by and are comprised of a group of men who, despite their age, still act like, well, boys. It’s also safe as they are either gay or find me unattractive so I can go there in my jammies and no bra. What do the boys and I do? We eat junk food, talk, play video games, and smoke weed.

It turns out that despite my really awful singing voice, I ROCK as lead vocalist in Guitar Hero (making up for the fact that I can’t play the fake guitar worth shit).

I have learned that candy with caramel inside (twix, caramello, caramel cadbury’s dairy milk) tastes better frozen.

And I now know exactly what online profile I would need to get some crazy dick action if I were a gay man in Tokyo (apparently the rules are very different for straight people and even more so for chicks).

But yesterday I discovered that getting stoned is BAD for the insomniac. Anybody who knows me, knows that I can’t sleep. I’ve been a bad sleeper for YEARS now despite drugs, herbal remedies, and occasional exercise. After watching about 8 straight episodes of True Blood last nite, I go over to the boys to prove to myself that I have a social life. We hang out, get REALLY stoned, and watch a B-side copy of Sex Drive. I go home feeling loopy and walking softy since my footsteps sound SO DAMN LOUD. This is why the green is so bad for the insomniac: EVERYTHING SOUNDS SUPER LOUD. I came home just before two in the morning, have had a very lousy sleep, and am now up at 6:00 am because I CAN’T SHUT THE DAMN NOISES OFF. Heightened senses? I’d like to think so. But not in the cool Spiderman way. Lemme give you a hint of what I have HEARD in the past 4 hours that have prevented me from getting decent rest: traffic, the wind, cats, crows, various other twittering birds, people walking, people talking, someone’s TV in my building, people opening and closing their doors, again, SOMEWHERE in the building, the elevator, my hum of my fridge, and the worst offender of all? THE CLOCK.

Like some freaky Poe story, this damn clock keeps getting louder and louder. I can also hear the clock in the OTHER ROOM, which just HAPPENS to tick at the alternating second of the one in my room, the effect of which is akin to letting a fucking jackhammer go off next to my head. My eyeballs hurt.

I think I’ll just suffer through my ennui and stay off of the ganj for a while . . . .