I was released from the hospital the 15th with warnings from the doctor to take it easy and stay home. this proved easier thani thought because he sent me home with major head bandages which would make me an automatic eyesore in any public setting. so i ordered pizza and stayed home with a few visitors popping in to say Hi. the best things about being home? sleeping in my own bed, washing my hair, nobody sticking things up my butt in the name of medicine. i also find myself back in the company of candle light, much nicer than the harsh flourescents that flood the hospital. and of course internet access to read pointless articles and do stupid quizzes about my non-existent love life and what color my "aura" really is.
recovery is a bitch. having had a mostly horizontal lifestyle for the past 8 days, i find myself exhausted after a trip to the market. Julie and I went out for some sushi on thursday and my jaw was killing me afterwards. i'm trying to stay off the pain killers as much as possible and NOT having a nap in the middle of the say. i don't think i'd be able to make it through a full day of work at the rate i'm currently going. need to rebuild stamina.
the doctor got rid of the bandages and took out the stitches a couple of days ago but my head still hurt and the left side really feels weird. for starters, i've lost tactile feeling in my left ear. i can't feel it and the doctor thinks that this will be a permanent condition. several surface nerves were severed during the surgery and they won't grow back. the scarring will probably be minimal and my friends say i look pretty much like my old self but i definitely don't feel like my old self. i feel . . . damaged (i guess that's the closest word out there). so i guess i gotta play my own shrink (thank god i'm a gemini) and sort my head out as well. i gotta do it quick; i start back at work next thursday.
3.19.2005
3.13.2005
More Visitors and Hospital Food Rants
watched the rest of the 24s last night. Watched the last nine hours in real time so I was up for hours. But it was great!
Spoke to the doc today when he rebandaged me and he said that once my drainage duct was rendering less fluid from my wound, he would take it out and I could probably go home the next day. He says I would have to come back for regular checks of the wound but that I could go home so I am very much looking forward to that although I think I may need extra time off work. I’m still feeling pretty crappy but I know I’m looking much worse.
Masashi came in the afternoon and we got some drinks and sat downstairs and talked for a change of scenery. He’s a darling little fellow and every time we talk I am struck by how similar our personalities are.
Some of the work crew came today. Adam, Bella and Jennifer came by with flowers towards the end of visiting hours and of course Clare and Julie came too. We all sat around and chatted for a bit (I’m sure we were annoying the fuck out of my fellow hospital guests) until the nursed came and chucked them out. They brought me beautiful flowers which i had Clare take home because the olds in my room like to keep the heat cranked up which turns fresh flowers into dried ones in a matter of hours.
A Sidebar about Hospital Food: I’ve been in the hospital for 6 days now and the nicest thing I can say about the food here is that I was blessed not to be able to eat anything on the day of surgery. It’s fucking horrible. Aside from the fact that my mouth can’t open very much and my jaw hurts like a bitch, a lot of the food is hard, tough to chew and difficult to manage into small enough pieces. It tastes like shit too. It’s like they’ve purposely decided to live up to the clichés by making the food extra bad. Ugh.
The pain medication wears off during the evening so my jaw is killing me in the middle of the night to mid morning. However, the last time they offered me pain medication (this was the day of surgery) they shoved a fucking suppository up my ass so that put an end to my pain medication requests. Joel promised good drugs. I am a bit disappointed.
Spoke to the doc today when he rebandaged me and he said that once my drainage duct was rendering less fluid from my wound, he would take it out and I could probably go home the next day. He says I would have to come back for regular checks of the wound but that I could go home so I am very much looking forward to that although I think I may need extra time off work. I’m still feeling pretty crappy but I know I’m looking much worse.
Masashi came in the afternoon and we got some drinks and sat downstairs and talked for a change of scenery. He’s a darling little fellow and every time we talk I am struck by how similar our personalities are.
Some of the work crew came today. Adam, Bella and Jennifer came by with flowers towards the end of visiting hours and of course Clare and Julie came too. We all sat around and chatted for a bit (I’m sure we were annoying the fuck out of my fellow hospital guests) until the nursed came and chucked them out. They brought me beautiful flowers which i had Clare take home because the olds in my room like to keep the heat cranked up which turns fresh flowers into dried ones in a matter of hours.
A Sidebar about Hospital Food: I’ve been in the hospital for 6 days now and the nicest thing I can say about the food here is that I was blessed not to be able to eat anything on the day of surgery. It’s fucking horrible. Aside from the fact that my mouth can’t open very much and my jaw hurts like a bitch, a lot of the food is hard, tough to chew and difficult to manage into small enough pieces. It tastes like shit too. It’s like they’ve purposely decided to live up to the clichés by making the food extra bad. Ugh.
The pain medication wears off during the evening so my jaw is killing me in the middle of the night to mid morning. However, the last time they offered me pain medication (this was the day of surgery) they shoved a fucking suppository up my ass so that put an end to my pain medication requests. Joel promised good drugs. I am a bit disappointed.
3.12.2005
Recovery and Visitors
dad, grandpa, and makoto ojisan came this morning to say hi. Grandpa is back from California and dad left for Kyoto today. We talked for a bit then they took dad to the station.
It was a relatively uneventful day. Went outside to make some phone calls because the weather was good and watched a lot of 24.
Makie came by with some more prezzies (some body refreshing wipes and she brewed some coffee). We talked for a little while about work and lessons and what not. She has been really nice about coming to see me and yesterday was even her birthday so I felt bad that she was spending the day at the hospital.
At night, Clare, Helen and Julie came by with mashed potatoes and ice cream. We talked for a while in the room but we were disturbing the olds so we decided to go downstairs where we could talk freely. But the announcement for final bed check sounded and i had to go back. They say you really get to know the quality of your friends during times of need or crisis and I feel like I am truly discovering that now. the people who have come or made the effort to make contact have been remarkable and it is interesting to see the people you think would make the effort but haven’t. it has truly been an eye opening experience. I am just glad to have such good people in my life who have made such a tremendous effort.
It was a relatively uneventful day. Went outside to make some phone calls because the weather was good and watched a lot of 24.
Makie came by with some more prezzies (some body refreshing wipes and she brewed some coffee). We talked for a little while about work and lessons and what not. She has been really nice about coming to see me and yesterday was even her birthday so I felt bad that she was spending the day at the hospital.
At night, Clare, Helen and Julie came by with mashed potatoes and ice cream. We talked for a while in the room but we were disturbing the olds so we decided to go downstairs where we could talk freely. But the announcement for final bed check sounded and i had to go back. They say you really get to know the quality of your friends during times of need or crisis and I feel like I am truly discovering that now. the people who have come or made the effort to make contact have been remarkable and it is interesting to see the people you think would make the effort but haven’t. it has truly been an eye opening experience. I am just glad to have such good people in my life who have made such a tremendous effort.
3.11.2005
Out Hole Violation
had surgery yesterday and wasn’t really up for writing. Was in a lot of pain. Surgery took about 3 hours and the tumor was the size of a golf ball. Was uncomfortable and in and out of sleep for most of the day. Dad was here, of course, and documented the whole thing with his camera. Julie and Clare stopped by at night and watched my moan and puke up bile. Not a pretty sight.
Complained about the pain to the nurse during a groggy pain filled moment so she asked me if i wanted something for it so i said yes. she returns and tells me to prop my legs up and i do but i don't get why she wants me to do this but i'm all groggy and confused. then i feel her stiick her entire finger up my butt with a fucking suppository! AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!! That just woke me up big time and i have not asked for furtehr pain medication since. I have huge issues with things going in the out holes. it's an OUT HOLE for a reason.
But today was infinitely better. Had a rough start to the morning but felt better and better as the day progressed. Watched some more 24 and had quite a few visitors today. Dad stayed for most of the day, and despite the shitty weather, Fumiko came with more flowers; Clare stopped by with trashy gossip magazines, chocolate, and a pillow; Helen came with some nice bread from Anderson’s; Yumiko and Noriko came with pound cake and ice cream. I felt pretty good by the end of the night so it was nice to have some company. My face it still sore on the left side and my jaw hurts if I work it too hard but I am doing so much better today. If I can make the same amount of progress tomorrow, I should be out of here soon. I hope.
Complained about the pain to the nurse during a groggy pain filled moment so she asked me if i wanted something for it so i said yes. she returns and tells me to prop my legs up and i do but i don't get why she wants me to do this but i'm all groggy and confused. then i feel her stiick her entire finger up my butt with a fucking suppository! AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!! That just woke me up big time and i have not asked for furtehr pain medication since. I have huge issues with things going in the out holes. it's an OUT HOLE for a reason.
But today was infinitely better. Had a rough start to the morning but felt better and better as the day progressed. Watched some more 24 and had quite a few visitors today. Dad stayed for most of the day, and despite the shitty weather, Fumiko came with more flowers; Clare stopped by with trashy gossip magazines, chocolate, and a pillow; Helen came with some nice bread from Anderson’s; Yumiko and Noriko came with pound cake and ice cream. I felt pretty good by the end of the night so it was nice to have some company. My face it still sore on the left side and my jaw hurts if I work it too hard but I am doing so much better today. If I can make the same amount of progress tomorrow, I should be out of here soon. I hope.
3.09.2005
The day before surgery
Escaped from the hospital again today with my dad and we went and had ramen for lunch. We walked all around a shopping arcade street and did some minor shopping. Another uneventful day waiting for surgery.
Got to take my first hospital shower today which was interesting. What you have to do is write your name on a board for the time slot that you want to shower then you have to pick up the key at the allotted time. You have 30 minutes. Interesting stuff.
Had a visit from Makie and Kimiko today. They arrived within minutes of each other. They brought me little presents and flowers. It was so nice. Julie came by later tonight with some chocolate and crunchy ramen snacks and conversation.
It’s technically lights out so I shouldn’t be doing this but I just can’t get to bed. My day starts at 6:00 tomorrow. No food or drink all day and night tomorrow so I’ll finally be able to tap into those fat stores I’ve been saving for a rainy day. Yeee haw!
Got to take my first hospital shower today which was interesting. What you have to do is write your name on a board for the time slot that you want to shower then you have to pick up the key at the allotted time. You have 30 minutes. Interesting stuff.
Had a visit from Makie and Kimiko today. They arrived within minutes of each other. They brought me little presents and flowers. It was so nice. Julie came by later tonight with some chocolate and crunchy ramen snacks and conversation.
It’s technically lights out so I shouldn’t be doing this but I just can’t get to bed. My day starts at 6:00 tomorrow. No food or drink all day and night tomorrow so I’ll finally be able to tap into those fat stores I’ve been saving for a rainy day. Yeee haw!
3.07.2005
Checking into Nichidai
Day one in the hospital.
Clare and I met dad for breakfast at 9 in the morning and then head off to the hospital on foot. It’s actually not that far from my apartment. A brisk 20 min walk or a slowish 30 min walk will get you there. I check in and get placed on the fifth floor. 5B08 to be exact. The bathrooms are communal and I only get to shower Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but it’s not like I’m doing anything to work up a sweat so I’m not that fussed. I get to spend most of my days in my pajamas or track suit which is great but I’m confined to the hospital grounds which sucks.
Dad hung out with us for a bit but went home cuz he had stuff to do but Clare and I talked and hung out all day. We even broke the rules and went off the property to this shopping arcade down the street where we ate a small bowl of pasta (much better than that nasty ass hospital food I tasted earlier). We saw the weirdest guy at the pasta place. He was obviously a nutjob. He was wearing white linen pants that had been cut off at the bottoms and a pink shirt and a BRIGHT YELLOW jacket on top. His feet were equally peculiar: white kimono tabi socks inside a pair of bright yellow duck shaped slippers. He was holding a doll and stroking its hair and talking to it. He must have made a run for it from the psyche ward of the hospital.
Other visitors today: Fumiko who brought me flowers, strawberries, dry shampoo, and cleansing wipes. We talked for a bit and then she left when dad and I had a meeting with the doctor about the surgery.
Kyoko and Sophie came to see me too which was so nice. They came towards the end of the evening around 7:00 when all the olds were getting ready for sleep. Our peals of laughter must have been distracting. I hadn’t seen Sophie for a really long time so it was great to catch up with her. Kyoko brought me boxes of sweets from Hokkaido and Sendai and a bunch of drinks. She is the sweetest person. We spoke at length about her upcoming “date” with this guy she was set up with who is a total loser. She said she’s considering checking into the hospital just to get away from him.
Well, that pretty much recaps my first day. I know I’m not supposed to be using my cell phone or my computer but I’m using them anyways. I gotta watch all 48 episodes of the second and third seasons of 24 my dad brought me courtesy of my sister and brother-in-law. I also brought some movies that the Train sent me so I got lots to do. I’ve got tons of books that friends have brought me along with the small library I brought with me which includes a kanji text book that I’ve threatened to start studying, so I’m pretty well set up. I still don’t like being here but there’s not much I can do about it at the moment so I might as well make the most of my time. 24 here I come!
Clare and I met dad for breakfast at 9 in the morning and then head off to the hospital on foot. It’s actually not that far from my apartment. A brisk 20 min walk or a slowish 30 min walk will get you there. I check in and get placed on the fifth floor. 5B08 to be exact. The bathrooms are communal and I only get to shower Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but it’s not like I’m doing anything to work up a sweat so I’m not that fussed. I get to spend most of my days in my pajamas or track suit which is great but I’m confined to the hospital grounds which sucks.
Dad hung out with us for a bit but went home cuz he had stuff to do but Clare and I talked and hung out all day. We even broke the rules and went off the property to this shopping arcade down the street where we ate a small bowl of pasta (much better than that nasty ass hospital food I tasted earlier). We saw the weirdest guy at the pasta place. He was obviously a nutjob. He was wearing white linen pants that had been cut off at the bottoms and a pink shirt and a BRIGHT YELLOW jacket on top. His feet were equally peculiar: white kimono tabi socks inside a pair of bright yellow duck shaped slippers. He was holding a doll and stroking its hair and talking to it. He must have made a run for it from the psyche ward of the hospital.
Other visitors today: Fumiko who brought me flowers, strawberries, dry shampoo, and cleansing wipes. We talked for a bit and then she left when dad and I had a meeting with the doctor about the surgery.
Kyoko and Sophie came to see me too which was so nice. They came towards the end of the evening around 7:00 when all the olds were getting ready for sleep. Our peals of laughter must have been distracting. I hadn’t seen Sophie for a really long time so it was great to catch up with her. Kyoko brought me boxes of sweets from Hokkaido and Sendai and a bunch of drinks. She is the sweetest person. We spoke at length about her upcoming “date” with this guy she was set up with who is a total loser. She said she’s considering checking into the hospital just to get away from him.
Well, that pretty much recaps my first day. I know I’m not supposed to be using my cell phone or my computer but I’m using them anyways. I gotta watch all 48 episodes of the second and third seasons of 24 my dad brought me courtesy of my sister and brother-in-law. I also brought some movies that the Train sent me so I got lots to do. I’ve got tons of books that friends have brought me along with the small library I brought with me which includes a kanji text book that I’ve threatened to start studying, so I’m pretty well set up. I still don’t like being here but there’s not much I can do about it at the moment so I might as well make the most of my time. 24 here I come!
3.06.2005
Well, there goes another new year's resolution
i know, i know, i know. i said i would keep this updated a lot more and i haven't my bad. but with this whole i-have-a-tumor thing playing out, it's been tough to concentrate on anything. i know, you're rolling your eyes and thinking that it'a a lame excuse but hey, that's just the way it goes.
to start, my obsession with the engagement ring thing has ended. nothing resolved, no real research done, but i've let it go. should i ever be lucky to get a ring, i'll love it no matter what it is as long as it's not some gaudy ugly thing.
next up, my dad's in town. love my dad, hate the fact that he's here for my surgery. i don't know how to explain it but he and i get each other so it's comforting to have him here but at the same time i know he feels responsible for all this stuff and i hate to see him hurting. everyone's been great about this and i have no cause for complaint but at the moment, i'm just not feeling as settled as i probably should. there are always worries on the horizon.
work. work sucks. why? because things at work are changing and i don't like it. i thought for once i had a terrific crew and work wasn't the chore that i had always believed it to be but i think it's going to suck big donkey dicks when i get out of the hospital and back to work. i am not looking forward to this.
as for the rest of life, i suppose it could be a lot worse. i am waiting for the other shoe to drop (but we pessimists are always waiting for that to happen) but right now i think i need to play this thing out and see where i end up. will write again soon, possibly before the big day. but if i don't, don't hold it against me.
to start, my obsession with the engagement ring thing has ended. nothing resolved, no real research done, but i've let it go. should i ever be lucky to get a ring, i'll love it no matter what it is as long as it's not some gaudy ugly thing.
next up, my dad's in town. love my dad, hate the fact that he's here for my surgery. i don't know how to explain it but he and i get each other so it's comforting to have him here but at the same time i know he feels responsible for all this stuff and i hate to see him hurting. everyone's been great about this and i have no cause for complaint but at the moment, i'm just not feeling as settled as i probably should. there are always worries on the horizon.
work. work sucks. why? because things at work are changing and i don't like it. i thought for once i had a terrific crew and work wasn't the chore that i had always believed it to be but i think it's going to suck big donkey dicks when i get out of the hospital and back to work. i am not looking forward to this.
as for the rest of life, i suppose it could be a lot worse. i am waiting for the other shoe to drop (but we pessimists are always waiting for that to happen) but right now i think i need to play this thing out and see where i end up. will write again soon, possibly before the big day. but if i don't, don't hold it against me.
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